


The Doctor/Jack Dance

by shewasabadgirl



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 04:04:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15477291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewasabadgirl/pseuds/shewasabadgirl
Summary: They both want to untangle this mess that is the relationship of Jack and the Doctor. But can the Doctor finally express his feelings? And can Jack finally be brave enough to take things into his own hand? This is a sequel to 24-Hour Love Affair https://archiveofourown.org/works/5542088





	The Doctor/Jack Dance

**Author's Note:**

> It took me 2+ years to figure out how the ending should work. I apologize for any continuity problems.

Jack and the Twelfth Doctor stands in the TARDIS awkwardly. Jack in the doorway. The Doctor by the console. This is his usual technique of avoiding tricky situations, by fast-forwarding to the two thirds into a story and come out before the sentiment ending part.

 

But the Twelfth Doctor is very different to his previous self. Especially now that he knows Jack has questions. That Jack wants to talk. 

The Twelfth Doctor is terrible at hiding his feelings. The previous encounters they had, Twelve just jumps out of the TARDIS with some huge scary monsters in tow like he's just a convenient weapon he knows he's stored somewhere. 

Kate assures her that it's just him. By the time paperwork are being prepared he's in the third galaxy. Back from her dad's days.

But Jack had always tried to hold onto the thought that he's different. Maybe. Why would he be? What does the Doctor mean by that? There's still hope? Maybe. He's such a fool for thinking that.

 

The Cycle goes on and on he could only get more and more drunk while River looks on with rueful sympathy in her eyes. One of them must be strong for the other. Him and River. They have an unspoken rotating schedule for Doctor sorrows. "But the Doctor looves you mooorre. He always comes when you call. I'm just... just an inconvenience that he feels obliged to check on now and then out of... guiiillt." He slurs. River just gives him an "What do you know." half smile that lacks her usual stance. They make a pathetic pair. That's why they always choose places with utmost privacy to meet. The universe can't take that.

 

Instead of babbling away and sending the TARDIS into the vortex with some dramatic turbulence that Jack had got used to - He gets what he gets. He's fine with it. Really. As long as the Doctor still comes back for more of him he's fine with it - The TARDIS is now silent except for the soft whirring of the old girl sustaining her systems. Jack cranes his neck slightly to try and see what the Doctor is doing half hidden by the console. And is slightly surprised to see he's not doing anything. Just has his hand on some levers, but brows furrow and eyes closed. Like he's about to do something but paused midway. Jack can almost see his brain ... buffering.  

 

The Twelfth Doctor has a thinking face that can scare monsters away by itself if you don't know him. But if you do, you know he's in a world of his own. And you want to gently pull him into a hug, but not sure how it's possible to do that without startling him.

Like right now he doesn't know if he should idle some more in the doorway, or is it his cue to break the silence and take the lead on the situation. 

 

He looks around the TARDIS for some clue. Any clue. "Please old girl. Give me something." He thought, loudly and desperately. 

In the corner of his eye he sees it, the secret panel River told him about. Will it work for him, too?

Careful to not even let his shoes squeak he moved cautiously sideways. He can feel the Doctor's eyes following him. Its presence making the hair on the back of his neck prickle. Jack opens the panel that emits a softly rosy glow, slightly different to the others - Wow. River wasn't exaggerating.

 

"Care for a drink, Doctor?" He says brightly. This is more or less a routine he's familiar with.

 

Doctor did you know what it was like? Being in love with someone but knowing you are just a blip in their time, a somebody they occasionally remembers, one small body in the mass of the universe that receives their love. But my love for them was one hundred percent. It consumes the whole of me.

I think our love had been unbalanced. That's why it wasn't working. I think we need to start again.

 

Holding two glasses in his hands Jack is overwhelmed with the urge to say these words out loud. To the Doctor. To see his reaction. To force something out of him.

He has rehearsed these words inside his mind so many times. Searching and replacing and finally, late one night after days of barely sleeping he thought of shooting himself in the chest. Just to feel his heart clinging onto life out of sheer will. Because he's so tired. Because only on the brink of tipping down a cliff can he feel that life in his veins. It'd be good if he can, all by himself, die of heart attack and come back. It used to scare Jack, but not anymore, not really, that he feels a bit addicted to to the moment of air being pushed painfully back into his lungs, into his heart, to the rest of his body. He has not even told River that. She'll probably tell him to get help. Therapy for death. He dread to think the company he might find. It's different for him. Not even River can understand. She was not old enough for these thoughts when she last regenerated. 

 

His mind proceeds the thoughts he was having. So instead of following his urge and blurt out the words he finally decided on, that yes, finally, this is the truth, I've finally figured it out, that night, Jack hears himself say-

"Did you ever really believe that was your last, Doctor? The eleventh?"

 

The Doctor was just putting his "HOW DARE YOU RIVER TOLD YOU THAT DIDN'T SHE HOW DARE HER HOW DARE YOU" face to full effect and showing with his body language that "NO I WILL NOT ACCEPT THAT DRINK THE EVIDENCE OF ULTIMATE BETRAYAL I'M OFFENDED BY THE VERY SIGHT OF IT" - 

"Last what?" The Doctor says, in loud contrast - in a small whisper. 

 

"Regeneration." Jack says with a full-on bright smile and pushes one glass of drink into the Doctor's hand. Instead of his usual ease at being the bouncy ignorant one of the occasion Jack can physically feel the painful grinding of time being pushed forward in the TARDIS. But between all the life the two of them can have added together, he'll only get one chance of this. And if he fucks it up- Well he'll have to beg Sexy to point him where the Doctor keeps the memory worm. 

"Did you ever really believe that was your last regeneration? The you I just... just said goodbye to?"

 

The Doctor says nothing. Sadness emerges from behind his eyes and Jack knows the answer. 

 

"So you were actually being suicidal. You were not just... being you."

 

The Doctor avoids Jack's eyes like a child caught red-handed.

The worst part about being suicidal is you have to explain yourself afterwards. Something Jack had plenty of experience of, unfortunately. Convenient alien shooting you, just running a tad slower than you probably should is his preferred way. But that does NOT mean the Doctor has a right to do that- 

 

Anger rises in Jack's chest and he's shouting before he can think.

"You were going to leave me alone! You didn't care if you'd actually die and you knew you had no regenerations left! The... the times we were in danger! You wouldn't have hesitated to leave me behind again, like the first time you left me! What am I to you? Nothing! You got bored. You need someone bulletproof to distract the attacks while you do your thing. Some human left you again and you are sad. That's where I come in. Oh I'll go get Jack he's always there. He can't die anyway and he'll always be so happy to see me no questions asked!"

 

Jack stops to breathe deeply in and waits for the Doctor to shout back at him. That's it. He's only just made things up with one Doctor now he has ruined things with another. He feels so sad and alone standing there. Even though he's in the TARDIS. The closest thing he has to a home and the Doctor - The closest man he has in this universe, that breathes and can talk back to him in real life.

 

And he's tired.

He's so tired.

He just want to die. For good. 

He just want to rest.

He knows he doesn't. Not really. Not like this. But he's so tired he doesn't care all that much anymore.

 

What would his life be like when even the Doctor has left him? 

 

These thoughts flashes through his mind as he looks at the Doctor. He's no longer shouting at him but in his mind he's screaming. Screaming things he can't say out loud. Not even now. He's screaming loudly and he's screaming through his eyes. He's begging, praying. 

Please, Doctor, please hear my scream. I'm screaming here. Please.

 

The Doctor looks at Jack as if he's stunned by his rage. He looks at him all eyebrows and frown. 

"Jack..." He says. There's a difference in his voice, to his usual tone of defending himself, of him going "Jack how could you say something like that."

 

He's merely speaking his name.

 

"Jack... Jack." There's a strange kind of wheezing accompanying his name. Like the word is too big for his windpipe to press out. 

"Jack I'm sorry." The Doctor says finally. "I'm sorry I'm a selfish, insufferable, insensitive..." He seems to have run out of mean words to describe himself so he starts a new sentence. Burying his face in his hands briefly.

"Jack I... I didn't think. I have no excuse. I didn't think. I guess I... part of me want to die before you so I didn't have to ... have to lose you." 

 

***

The stunned silence in the TARDIS is only interrupted by the soft purring of the console. 

Jack stands there and blinks at the Doctor.

He doesn't understand this regeneration of him. Really, he much prefers him when he avoids his problems with a clap and a swirl of his coat.

 

Well technically he started this sentiment thing but he'd rather be anywhere but here at the moment.

 

What is he supposed to do when the Doctor is looking at him, with eyes that hint tears, with a sadness without defence and sincere?

 

"Let me stay with you?" Jack says, finally. "I'll be really useful." His smile is coming back to him. This bit he's good at, charming his way to get what he want. "I'll run in front of you every time a dalek wants to exterminate. I'll cover your back when you run. I'll die for you as long as I'm around. What do you say?" He puffs up his chest and give the Doctor a dazzling grin.

 

"There are worse things that exists between life and death, Jack." The Doctor says. "You don't always get to die."

Then he realized what he said.

 

"No Doctor it's okay." Jack says before the lines on the Time Lord's face start to reform into another expression. Even more sadness? Guilt? Regret? He does not want to know. 

"When it's with you it will be more bearable. When it's with you it's a gift, not a curse." 

 

He walks towards the Doctor, and taking advantage of him working out what to say next, gently pushes one glass of drink into his hand.

He clinks his own glass with the Doctor's, and raises it in a toast. "What do you say, Doctor? To us?" When there's still no response - the Doctor just looks at him - he tries another tactic.

"For me? Please? I can't live without you. I know it looks like I thrive but you know the truth, Doctor. Only you. You know I can't live without you."

 

Emotions bubble up again inside his chest as the words leave his lips, as he realize how true they are.

"You think the reason I'm still here is because I can't die, Doctor. Well maybe that's true. But somewhere in the universe. I'm sure there are ways to end an immortal if I look for it." 

He takes a swig of the drink in his hand. It burns in his chest and makes him brave.

"I'm willing to try all of them, Doctor. In the seconds that ticks in waiting I really do. But the real reason, Doctor, of why I'm live through the days is to see you again."

 

The Doctor's eyes are fixed to his in a soft gaze. They are no longer sad. But they don't have their usual twinkle, either. Jack wonders if he is finally seeing the real Doctor. Devoid of pretense. In that moment he wishes he knows the Doctor's real name. Just like his own name lost in time. He wishes he can call the Doctor by his name, and the Doctor his.

 

"If that is your truth, do you want to hear mine, Jack?" The Doctor says. There is now a hint of smile on his face. A smirk, even. Jack doesn't have a good feeling about this. He's not sure if he's going to like that truth. Whatever it is.

 

"My truth is I don't know what I want." Now Jack realizes that is a smile of subconscious relief as he starts to talk.

"I don't know myself at all. So I don't know what I want. I'm always skipping..." The Doctor starts to pace the console, waving the drink around as he does so. "I'm always skipping the boring bits, always rushing. Things need to happen all the time. And I make them so."

Sexy makes a noise.

"It's because so I don't need to think. What I need. What I want. Who am I? No time for that. Got to run. Something's exploding. And I like humans."

He turns back to face Jack. "I like humans... Of course humans are brilliant. But they are also fragile. One life. I am sad when I lose them, yes. But..." 

He can't make himself finish. Some truth are to be buried so deep even oneself would never, ever admit it.

"But Jack, you, you are constant. You will be here forever. What do I do? I can invite you into the TARDIS. I'd love you in the TARDIS. I do. But... but..."

 

"But you can't get rid of me?"

 

"No! No no of course not. I mean..." 

 

Every regeneration of the Doctor is super cute when they are fluttered. Jack would never get tired of that. 

But that thought is just to conceal the panic he's feeling that he was right.

 

"Jack I..." 

 

Jack fears his heart attack dream might be coming true. What are the words the Doctor's finding so difficult to confess? 

 

"I'm scared. You are a commitment Jack and I'm scared. That's all." And the Doctor looks away from him.

 

Jack secretly wished for glass holders and a tray appeared on a nearby chair. Jack put his drink down and moves to take the Doctor's as well before he spills it all over the console. He's not sure a drunk TARDIS would be a good idea.

 

The Doctor glanced when Jack touched his hand and looked away again.

 

With any potential distractions safely out of the way, Jack touches the Doctor's hand gingerly once again. Holding it in his own when he meets no protest.

 

"Do you know how I see it, Doctor?" He says, quietly.

"I have lost so many people I love so dearly. I have messed up so many lives that I so much time longer for it to haunt me. Mortal lives are just too short. You never have time to amend your mistakes when you finally works it out.

"But us, Doctor-"

 

The Doctor turns his head that little bit away from him, like he's fearing what Jack will say next. 

 

"Between us we have all the time that ever existis." Jack says. He feels the Doctor's hand twitch slightly under his. It gives him strength to keep talking.

"We can be together when we want to. We can spend time apart when are fed up of eaach other. We can reunite when we feel like it again. Commitment does not have anything to do with us at all. It is whatever the opposite it is."

He feels a smile spread on his own face. There it is. He can't believe he solved this intricate dance of Doctor and Jack. 

 

"Come on now, Doctor." He pulls on the Time Lord's arm.  

 

To his surprise the Doctor suddenly springs back into life. He steps back just in time to not get slapped in the face as the Doctor pulls arm back.

"That's it. You. Out. I don't want to see you right now!" The Doctor's voice rings in the console. He flips a lever with a definite pull and the TARDIS seems to land. With another pull the door unlocks.

"Out. Out Get out." The Doctor shoves Jack towards the door rather roughly.

 

"But Doctor!" Jack is totally thrown off by the turn of events. "Doctor wait-"

 

"OUT!" The Doctor basically threw Jack out of the TARDIS door with a final push and slams the door in his face. Then the TARDIS swiftly dismaterialised. When the thought of maybe he should jump and hold onto the TARDIS, she's already gone.

 

Jack look around him. He seems to be in a market place of some sort. Nobody seems bothered by the fact that a blue box just appeared and disappered.

 

What did he do? It was going so well? Did he mess it up big time now?

But he did not to anything wrong?

 

Just then a voice calls out from behind him-

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE JACK COME ON!" 

He turns around and sees the mad man and his blue box he so unfortunately is in love with five meters away from where he last saw them. 

Inside the TARDIS door a red alarm is flashing is blaring. With no time to think he springs into the box and closes the door behind him. 

 

What point in time is it for the Doctor this time? He's still the same regeneration. Oh he can not handles this right now if it was before the Doctor of what just happened. 

 

“CLEAN UP THAT THING WILL YOU WE'RE TAKING OFF." The Doctor shouts at him again and points his hand towards something by the railing that seems to offend him more than anything in the world.

 

It was a tray with two glasses of drinks. One untouched and one -

Jack downed that other drink in one go. Oh he hates this man so so much. It would be the end of time before he admits Jack one-upped on this one.

 

And they're off.


End file.
